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And how I fought with Him when He gave His own example to prove that some things which I thought were impossible to change were indeed quite possible to be transformed. There is a kindness that can crush. His unaccountable kindness and Divine largesse have crushed me and have made me His eternal servant, however unworthy! And all this to what purpose?go to site
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I do not know why He was so generous. I was quite an average human being, why then rain upon me such a cascade of benevolence? Was it due to previous karma? That can never be, I could never have done so much! I needed to have either been an impertinent sinner like Jogai- Madhai 11 or an advanced yogi in prospect. But I was neither, that much common sense God had given me! Why then, I used to ask myself, pour so much unlimited bounty on a very ordinary person like myself?
I do not think that in this life, or others to come, I will find an answer to this problem. Perhaps it is because of this?
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It is still a mystery, but its effect I can never forget. Whatever I am today, and hope to be in other lives, is due to Him. Whatever happens in my life always reminds me of His grace and compassion and has made me, for this life and for lives to come, an eternal servant of the Lord. Whenever unwholesome thoughts or contrary actions sway me, this correspondence reminds me how much He has done for me, and keeps me steady. This is the eternal debt I owe Him. And this I can swear -that I will be here till my last breath, and that breath shall remain as pure as possible.
I know that I cannot repay even a fraction of what He has done and is still doing. It will take hundreds of lives, even if I were to try. Human kindness can be repaid, ladies and gentlemen, but you cannot pay back Divine Grace, because the Divine gives without measure, without bargain or motive. He left no stone unturned to bring my soul to the Light.
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All this He has done for me and He has tried to make me a yogi! Since the Lord has done so much for me, I should serve Him as best I can, and do whatever He has prepared for me. Therefore, let me in this life try my best to be true to Him. This is my aspiration and human endeavour. Today I will speak to you of the last sad incident 14 — the passing away of our beloved Pavitra-da 15 , the passing away of a true and real yogi.
We shall never come to know their true greatness because they lived such simple and apparently common lives: they shared our lives, games, pursuits, as if they were one of us.
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Pavitra-da was entirely dedicated to the Divine. Mother said that, from the very beginning, he followed the path without the slightest vacillation, without turning either to the right or to the left; he followed the footsteps of the Master so closely and unwaveringly. I will give you one instance that will show the calibre of his soul. After having finished his course in the Polytechnique the technology school in France , which as you know is an extremely difficult course, he abandoned all the possibilities of a brilliant career and set himself on the path of self-discovery, wandering all the way to Japan and China and then to Mongolia.
Finally he came to the Ashram and surrendered himself to the Mother and Sri Aurobindo. The Mother was then not active in the Ashram matters, and Sri Aurobindo alone used to see visitors. When Pavitra-da. As for me, I did not have a very deep relationship with him. But I had many an occasion to watch him from a distance. I always felt, whenever I met him, that here was someone unique; and I came back with an impression of calm sweetness and radiant sympathy.
Always he lived in a high plane of Light and seemed to be beckoning us from there.
Part 4 of 15
You must have felt the psychic warmth and the aura in his manner, his demeanour and his ways. He was born of French aristocracy and nobility, and developed those traits further by the practice of yoga. He was a marvellous example of a yogi. So totally surrendered was he to the Mother that She could move in him as if in Her own house. No restraint, no hesitation in Her relations and approach to him.
When She went to the balcony for the morning Darsban , she had to pass through his room, and at times Pavitra-da would be sleeping. He used to prepare sandwiches for the Mother and Sri Aurobindo; the burden of the European correspondence was on his shoulders; he looked for formulas to prepare our toothpaste, face powder, hair oil, eyewash, etc. He did everything meticulously, unflinchingly and scrupulously.
And Charu-da , thinking him to be an ordinary European, let him do it. Pavitra-da had the true Christian spirit, a real humility. How is it possible to be thus without being, at the very roots, truly great and genuine? Still we did not realize all this greatness, because of his simple and humble ways. If he had put on the robe of a sannyasi 22 , we would have fallen prostrate at his feet. However great one may be, one moves about, in the outward life, like everybody else.
This is the beauty and charm of our yoga. Once I had to consult him for an article written by me in French.
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All this cannot but be the manifestation of the inner growth of the soul. Generally, it is the accursed outward nature of ours which refuses to be changed. His was a flawless service to the Divine Guru. He did his sadhana quietly and imperceptibly. He did everything silently, forgetting himself completely in Their service. Every morning, he used to go to the military ground for military training.
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One day, the order came for him to go to the front. I believe that the Mother and Sri Aurobindo tried hard to get him exempted from it, with no result. Then the Mother told him to be prepared. He kept his uniform ready. The boat was to arrive at a certain date, but either by a miracle or by some fortuitous chance, the ship floundered, and a second ship never came!
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